I miss the little things the most!

 

I am so blessed to be able to live in this part of the country. although today it is all white and will be for a long time to come, is just one more thing that adds to its beauty.

Today, I am Amazon shopping for a coffee table.  I brought the big one with me when we moved, and it is way to big for this little house.  So, I know what I would like to replace it,   the hard part is shopping amazon.  There was a time when I would want something, say a coffee table and off we would go.  We would search every furniture store and thrift shop.  We would spot the one we wanted and yet still keep searching, only to come back and buy the one we wanted.

Today, I tried to show Steve pictures of what I am picking out.  I think it will fit the space better, has a glass top so should blend well with the glass end tables I will be keeping. So I will order it, just not the same as shopping would have been, Just a little thing.

Monday night football another little/big thing.  Yes, we would watch Sunday football and Sunday night football, but, Monday we had set aside as nacho night.  Before the game, Steve would swing by our favorite Mexican restaurant for takeout nachos, so Monday night game was munching down on nachos and yesterday being Monday, I really was tempted to order nacho's.  

It's just those little things. 

I am doing okay

 

Today started as most Mondays, lots of visits from nurses. 

also, a visit from the social worker, wanting me to fill out a form for what might be needed in the way of help in the future.

Since no one knows what the future holds, it was difficult. Questions like "Do you feel comfortable with your situation?" NO!  of course not, why would that even be a question.

The one question, concerning the future did relate to what my thinking has been lately.  Over the past 20 years, off and on I have made and donated gowns to the hospital for the wee ones that need extra nursing or for the wee ones that don't make it. No one packs a burial gown!  I enjoyed doing that but now, it has taken all a whole new meaning. 

Now, it is meaning that I really am helping someone through a horrible time in their lives.  So, I do see that I can keep going. I am collecting all I can in the way of material, patterns and even trying my hand once again at crochet.  January, I will have no time for any self-pity.

Dementia is horrible, just horrible. The person with dementia, has no clue what is happening, only know that something is not right.  some days we swing almost normal, the next day or even hour, that is gone.  The person goes into a state of confusion, scared, angry, unable to cope.  You, as a caretaker have no choice at that time to do anything.

I was talking with one of the nurses about how this all feels, how you remove yourself from the situation and just do what needs to be done.  Probably enough rambling for the day.

I do thank all of you for your prayers, that means the world to me. I know some of you have been through very, very hard heartbreaking times.  I do hold on to the fact, you survived! 

Going to try as best I can

 

The garden is sleeping under a pile of snow. Maybe a bit like life, we all have those times, when it is best to just rest.

To just let things be as they are. I know the saying of getting the best from life. To enjoy each day as it comes, but that is not always possible. Some day's it is just a matter of making it through that day and hoping tomorrow will be better.

I had hoped to be one of those brave people, that can go through an experience and document every single moment.  I am not one of those people. I am one that finds avoidance of the moment. Like this is just not happening,

So, I will try to do better.  I think it will be a good thing. Not something I want to do, but something I think will help me.

I am learning new terms like sundowning, learning to deal with sundowning.  Trying to remove myself from the situation and just deal with what is happening, from a distance, not from being a person involved.

Connie, I sent an email, I hope you got it.

So much for now. 

Much Better

 

Day two of hospice.  Yesterday was very busy, with nurses fluffing about. The did manage to get Steve on some new prescriptions that will help with his anxiety.

They are already working, and we are having a much better day.

If you stubble by my blog and hospice is something you are familiar with, I would love to hear from you.  Right now, I just find writing about it a bit better. Plus, they suggested keeping track of how the days go. I am more likely to remember things if I write them down.

Steve has been refusing food, I hope that changes today. So far, he did do his own coffee using the Keurig.  Seems to be much calmer, that could also be because no one is poking at him.

Visit Pam at the sunshine cottage

 Whenever I need to escape, I head over to Pam and her sunshine cottage. Her blog is just one of sheer peace and beauty.  I am directed there so many times and I know it is God doing the directing.

Her Sunshine cottage is so pretty, yet fun, nothing is taken to serious. I did tell her I do visit from time to time and days like today you will find me there.

I thought I would share just in case you need a spot to visit.

Autumn Days In The Sunshine Cottage (everydayliving.me)

Her blog is

Everyday Living

I love this visit to the cottage because it is fall and decorated perfectly.

A tired I didn't know was possible

McGlinns is still taking pictures of our beautiful valley.

Mike took this one to show the smoke is finally lifting a bit.

I know it has been a long time since I have written anything. I have lived on hope for so long, it became my reality.  Now, they have called in hospice for Steve, and I have anew denial to work through.

I also am tired, very, very tired. It is not like a physical tiredness, which feels so good.  This is a deep bone tired I didn't even know was possible. 

I am not sure if writing will help me through it, or at least deal with it but it is what I am going to try. 

For now, life is an alternate universe, somewhere between acceptance and denial.

Part two

The next part of Nana Diana's was to tell 11 things about me.

That took a bit of thinking on my part because I really do not know anymore.

So, thank you Diana for helping me stop and take a look at who I am.

Just love music, symphony to country.

I am a romantic

Fascinated by history and love touring old Victorian homes.  

I enjoy making wee care gowns for babies

and Christmas stockings for those going through chemo

Follow two amazing gals on you tube and pretend I can also decorate.

Make a just for me coffee drink

Now, that makes the day go amazing.

That about sums it up.  I am a pretty simple gal.

Meeting the challenge by Nana Diane

Meeting the challenge from a post made in

the blog of

Nana Diana Takes A Breakhttps://thenanadiana.blogspot.com/

Really a bit harder than I thought it would be but she said to tell her about me.

Posted some questions, so we could all play along,

 1.  Where do you like to vacation?

Hotel Accommodations in Mackinac Island, Michigan - Grand Hotel (historichotels.org) I have never been there but I sure would love it.

2.  Do you have pets?

Not sure who owns who, this is Drusilla.

3.  What is your favorite color?

That would be red. I love red.

4.  How many are in your family?

1 sister and two brothers, I have lost my sister and one brother. we have 5 children, that went out and came back with a mate so that upped it to ten. Then they multiplied and we have 11 grandchildren that have given us 7 greatgrandchildren. wow!

5.  What is your least favorite thing to do?

Drive, hate it.

6.  What is your most favorite thing to do?

sew, love to create 

7.  If money were no object what would you like to do when you retire?

I am retired, and boating is my thing.

8.   What is your favorite season?

summer

9.   What book are you currently reading?

Sugar camp quilt, by Jennifer Chiaverini

10. What time do you go to bed, get up in the morning?

that is an interesting question because I have been going to bed at hubby time which is nine. I can not fall asleep, so why am I going to bed? Drusilla lets me sleep til 6am.

11. How long have you been blogging?

On and off for a few years, I think about six years?

The second half of this is to tell 11 things about me. I do not follow directions very well, so I will do that one at a diifferent day because I do not know what to say.

Hoping for sun

I think this is the coldest month of May ever.

Rain, wind and just super cold. I have done very little in my tiny garden because I am cold!

I am one of those. I love the heat type person.

We do get rainbows

Picture by Mike. 

Ready to go

Off to the sewing machine doctor.

Of course this would be the time I have so many projects on my list of to-dos.  

I was deep into this project when

this happened.  I tried to finding the problem.

Cleaned it out and when I tried again, again it messed up.

So, in the morning, she will be off to the shop.

Might be a good  to spend some garden time.

Happy Mothers Day

 Happy Mothers day

I never knew my mom.  she was taken way to early in a plane crash. I still wish her a happy Mothers Day

Birthday Past

With Steve's birthday coming tomorrow, I thought it would be fun to visit a birthday from the past.

We are a boating family.  What better place to have cake than on the boat? I can't think of any.

We have cake

Guest arrives

 perfect for the kids, no mess

How ya doin?

 I am asked that question daily. By friends, and neighbors and I still have no answer.

I am slowly coming out of denial.  Steve has what is called vascular or stroke induced dementia.  For such a long time, I would just excuse it as "He had a stroke".  Yes, he did but as things get worse as he is able to do less and less, and I do more and more, I have to come to grips with I am not alright.

So, how am I doing?  I don't really know. I just had to make a major decision of replacing the floor of the carport, that was damaged by the neighbor's water runoff.  I pay all the bills, I do basically everything! Alone! 

I keep telling myself, I will take care of me, so far, I am not doing a very good job of that, the reason I stopped writing for a few months was I was hiding.  I don't want to face things as they are.

This is where we are today.  Tomorrow will be so different.

Found

 Once the trees were removed. Light could get to the area below the long branches. 

What was struggling to survive was three rose bushes.

The first one was in the worst shape 

I was hoping that cutting it back to what looked like it was alive and feeding the plant, then just maybe.

After a few weeks

It was alive and sending off new growth.

Now, to bring you up to date

So many questions.  What will the roses be like?

 Goodbye trees 

and hello sunshine.  I know having trees cut down might be frowned upon, but these trees had to go. 

They were huge

Much of the lower branches were already dead.

To dangerous to be  on such a small lot with homes so close that should one of the trees decide to fall, it would hit  a house.

So, they had to go.  Many neighbors came by to thank me. It was a hard decision but why would anyone plant a tree that is destined to get huge on a small lot, let alone three of them.

Now that so much of the needles have been removed. Sun has brought out a gift for me, that I will share tomorrow.  

Spring came 

and so did the flowers.  Winter looked so bleak for such a long time. When things look bleak, it seems like it all lasts a very long time. Our spring is wetter than usual, colder than usual, but still the flowers bloomed right on time.

Always the first to say hello.

They put on quite a show!

Next up the tulips

My favorite

Natures colors are so perfect, yes you can have red and yellow together.

When things look dark and bleak, hang in there, spring is right around the corner.

 Brand new!

It is a brand-new day, brand new month

Brand new me!

Sorry for the past dirty pictures

 I think it is time I just sit back and wait.  The temperatures will be back to super cold this next week.

At least there is a bit of hope, that spring will come, flowers will bloom. 

We will be able to sit in the shade, complain it is too hot and sip our sweet tea.

I have been enjoying time in my sewing room. My sweet daughter in law, likes what I make for her.  so, you know that makes creating even more fun.

I like to call them Stacey boxes.

I never know for sure what will go in the box. a few past things have been

Set of four cupcake placemats. for celebrating birthdays. All have the orange frosting except the blue with the sprinkles, that is for the birthday person.

Reading pillow for chole

One for Blake

A few kitchen towels

Keeping busy waiting for spring.

A search for green

The snow is melting so slow, the sun has been shinning for the last few days and that does help but it is still a pile of dirty.

The pretty white fluffy snow has become a pile of frozen dirt.

So, I went on a search for signs of life.

I know it is only February, not sure what I would find.

Well, look who is peaking from the leaves!

I wasn't sure the Hen and chicks would survive temperatures reaching zero.

Greener!  I think these are violas. I am not clearing away any leaves, our nights are still freezing.

No clue what this is, it is green and that is all that matters right now. 

The Iris! Looks like we will have new ones.

Last of all is a very confused house plant. 

Leave it to me to have a few of those.

A Christmas cactus that decided it was ready to show some love.

The garden is not ready for clean up, I just needed to know it will be there when the time comes.

A few more before and after

When I spotted the brown tiles for the back splash area, everything changed.

Another before picture:

After

The wall color is Sherwin/Williams, Macadamia

The back tile is from Lowes.  The cabinets got a coat of S/W White oil base.

The spice rack has been with me forever! I spotted the large version in a store selling spices and they got in the smaller version for me.

You might notice a lot of Mrs. Dash seasoning. Steve is not to have salt (but I know he sneaks it).

The rest of my spices are in the tiny cabinet above.

I tried one of those "As seen on TV" shelf units. I have only seven inches of space and was able to get one rack in.

Before, very disorganized

Better. I am trying to decide if I should install the puck light. Of course, I would stick it to the top. Not sure if it will take up too much space.  I am working with seven inches.