Tuesday, 6 December 2022

I miss the little things the most!


I am so blessed to be able to live in this part of the country. although today it is all white and will be for a long time to come, is just one more thing that adds to its beauty.

Today, I am Amazon shopping for a coffee table.  I brought the big one with me when we moved, and it is way to big for this little house.  So, I know what I would like to replace it,   the hard part is shopping amazon.  There was a time when I would want something, say a coffee table and off we would go.  We would search every furniture store and thrift shop.  We would spot the one we wanted and yet still keep searching, only to come back and buy the one we wanted.

Today, I tried to show Steve pictures of what I am picking out.  I think it will fit the space better, has a glass top so should blend well with the glass end tables I will be keeping. So I will order it, just not the same as shopping would have been, Just a little thing.

Monday night football another little/big thing.  Yes, we would watch Sunday football and Sunday night football, but, Monday we had set aside as nacho night.  Before the game, Steve would swing by our favorite Mexican restaurant for takeout nachos, so Monday night game was munching down on nachos and yesterday being Monday, I really was tempted to order nacho's.  

It's just those little things. 

Monday, 5 December 2022

I am doing okay


Today started as most Mondays, lots of visits from nurses. 

also, a visit from the social worker, wanting me to fill out a form for what might be needed in the way of help in the future.

Since no one knows what the future holds, it was difficult. Questions like "Do you feel comfortable with your situation?" NO!  of course not, why would that even be a question.

The one question, concerning the future did relate to what my thinking has been lately.  Over the past 20 years, off and on I have made and donated gowns to the hospital for the wee ones that need extra nursing or for the wee ones that don't make it. No one packs a burial gown!  I enjoyed doing that but now, it has taken all a whole new meaning. 

Now, it is meaning that I really am helping someone through a horrible time in their lives.  So, I do see that I can keep going. I am collecting all I can in the way of material, patterns and even trying my hand once again at crochet.  January, I will have no time for any self-pity.

Dementia is horrible, just horrible. The person with dementia, has no clue what is happening, only know that something is not right.  some days we swing almost normal, the next day or even hour, that is gone.  The person goes into a state of confusion, scared, angry, unable to cope.  You, as a caretaker have no choice at that time to do anything.

I was talking with one of the nurses about how this all feels, how you remove yourself from the situation and just do what needs to be done.  Probably enough rambling for the day.

I do thank all of you for your prayers, that means the world to me. I know some of you have been through very, very hard heartbreaking times.  I do hold on to the fact, you survived! 

Saturday, 3 December 2022

Going to try as best I can


The garden is sleeping under a pile of snow. Maybe a bit like life, we all have those times, when it is best to just rest.

To just let things be as they are. I know the saying of getting the best from life. To enjoy each day as it comes, but that is not always possible. Some day's it is just a matter of making it through that day and hoping tomorrow will be better.

I had hoped to be one of those brave people, that can go through an experience and document every single moment.  I am not one of those people. I am one that finds avoidance of the moment. Like this is just not happening,

So, I will try to do better.  I think it will be a good thing. Not something I want to do, but something I think will help me.

I am learning new terms like sundowning, learning to deal with sundowning.  Trying to remove myself from the situation and just deal with what is happening, from a distance, not from being a person involved.

Connie, I sent an email, I hope you got it.

So much for now. 

Tuesday, 25 October 2022

Much Better


Day two of hospice.  Yesterday was very busy, with nurses fluffing about. The did manage to get Steve on some new prescriptions that will help with his anxiety.

They are already working, and we are having a much better day.

If you stubble by my blog and hospice is something you are familiar with, I would love to hear from you.  Right now, I just find writing about it a bit better. Plus, they suggested keeping track of how the days go. I am more likely to remember things if I write them down.

Steve has been refusing food, I hope that changes today. So far, he did do his own coffee using the Keurig.  Seems to be much calmer, that could also be because no one is poking at him.

Monday, 24 October 2022

Visit Pam at the sunshine cottage

 Whenever I need to escape, I head over to Pam and her sunshine cottage. Her blog is just one of sheer peace and beauty.  I am directed there so many times and I know it is God doing the directing.

Her Sunshine cottage is so pretty, yet fun, nothing is taken to serious. I did tell her I do visit from time to time and days like today you will find me there.

I thought I would share just in case you need a spot to visit.

Autumn Days In The Sunshine Cottage (everydayliving.me)

Her blog is

Everyday Living

I love this visit to the cottage because it is fall and decorated perfectly.

A tired I didn't know was possible

McGlinns is still taking pictures of our beautiful valley.

Mike took this one to show the smoke is finally lifting a bit.

I know it has been a long time since I have written anything. I have lived on hope for so long, it became my reality.  Now, they have called in hospice for Steve, and I have anew denial to work through.

I also am tired, very, very tired. It is not like a physical tiredness, which feels so good.  This is a deep bone tired I didn't even know was possible. 

I am not sure if writing will help me through it, or at least deal with it but it is what I am going to try. 

For now, life is an alternate universe, somewhere between acceptance and denial.

Monday, 23 May 2022

Part two

The next part of Nana Diana's was to tell 11 things about me.

That took a bit of thinking on my part because I really do not know anymore.

So, thank you Diana for helping me stop and take a look at who I am.

Just love music, symphony to country.

I am a romantic

Fascinated by history and love touring old Victorian homes.  

I enjoy making wee care gowns for babies

and Christmas stockings for those going through chemo

Follow two amazing gals on you tube and pretend I can also decorate.

Make a just for me coffee drink

Now, that makes the day go amazing.

That about sums it up.  I am a pretty simple gal.