Wednesday 22 February 2023
Tuesday 21 February 2023
Even the word caretaker can mean so many different things. Caretaker of a garden, a daycare, those seem to be okay caretaker jobs.
Taking care of a loved one in failing health, well that is different. I am having a hard time even believing there are people that chose to do caretaking as a job!
I am a accidental caretaker. I didn't chose this, I don't even know how to do it. Yet, it is something I do every day 24 hours a day. Do I have to? Not really. There are places that take in people who have Alzheimer/ Dementia.
I chose to learn this job, to do it the best I can because I love my Steve with all my heart.
The biggest challenge so far for me, which surprises me is taking the time to care for me. Kind of like the caretaker needs a care taker. The hospice nurses are great about asking me if I need anything, they ask "What can I do for you?"
I have to do it for myself. I have to answer to me. I make promises to myself and then I break those promises. what kind of friend does that? I have a volunteer, that will come in and stay with Steve, while I go do something and I actually set a time for her to come and for me to go and I want to break that promise to me. the promise that I will go out and at least drive to a store and look around.
I break out in a sweat just thinking about it. My scheduled day to go is tomorrow and I want to cancel.
We have an amazing valley, so full of beauty, yet I stopped looking, stopped exploring, stopped living.
I quit on me.
Wednesday 15 February 2023
Friday 10 February 2023
We have all heard it or read it. You can change your circumstances by changing your mind.
Now, there is a lot I cannot change. I cannot change Steve's stoke or his stroke induced dementia. I cannot fix his heart or do away with kidney failure. Those are the givens; those are set in place.
What I can do is change my mind, I can change from poor me to be thankful I get to care for him. That this is a way I can take the journey with him. I can thank God for giving me one more day with him. for the strength to hold on when it seems my little world is falling apart.
To march right over to the mirror and get out my makeup and comb my hair. to reach for my saved perfume. To realize those clothes my closet I am saving for the right time, are to be worn now. The right time is today.
Today is the day you have been saving all those special things for. the best dishes, the best earrings.
And yes, this is the Valentines Day you celebrate, you celebrate because you love today, you love what tomorrow will bring. You love that all of this is to propel you forward, not backwards.
You love, you changed your mind!
And I love to share with you my cuddler.
Monday 6 February 2023
I really don't know what to do! I love Valentine's day but this year I don't know how to handle it.
Last week, I was all in. I was going to order flowers, get the candy and celebrate the way it should be celebrated!
I started with the front porch. Added some decorations and thought that will take care of missing the Christmas decorations.
Add a heart to a Christmas bow and your good to go!
Now, I lost my Valentines mojo. I just feel sad and I want the whole thing to just go away!
Not sure I will add the flowers and chocolates.
Today, Steve slipped a little more, celebrating just doesn't feel right anymore.
I hate that feeling also. I want to fight back, to say it's okay, bring some joy into the house. Get excited when the floral truck shows up!!
Just don't know how to feel
Thursday 2 February 2023
Just a drop to let you know I am still here. Connie, I have been trying to reach you and Norton will not let me comment, in fact it tried to block me from even visiting. I do not know how to resolve that problem, but I wanted you to know.
I do plan on getting back on this blogging horse and riding it to the finish line.
I am continuing to make wee care gowns for the hospital babies.
some babies come to earth as Angels.