"Not in Vain"

Emily Dickinson poem "Not in Vain" has always spoke to me.

(1886) by Emily Dickinson If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain: If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.

I think of it when I make and pray over these items for the hospital nursery. These item are for the precious little ones that go to heaven way to soon.

I do like making the gowns, hoping that it will ease the pain a little, Just to know that someone, somewhere cares.

Request from the hospital, also needed are items for babies to fragile to handle.

so I made a few of those.

Tiny blankets

The size of the blankets range from 6" to 10". I will make a few larger blankets..

I hope these bring some comfort to the broken hearts. Just making them helps my heart heal.

wordless Wednesday

Again!

I find myself here again on a Wednesday.!

spring always comes alive in our mountains.

Seeded by God

Heaven Bound

 I know it is wordless Wednesday and I will add a few words to this. The picture of MT. Index, in Washington State. This is the mountain that stands out in full glory as you round the corner. As the love of my life Steve has gone on to be with Jesus, this picture lets me know, if God has this much beauty on earth can you imagine the beauty in heaven.

Wordless Wednesday

 

I DID IT!

                                    I even took pictures. This was not easy and if you have agoraphobia, you will know what I am talking about.  This started with me, when Steve had his stroke and was in the hospital in Seattle.  There was no way I could stay with him more than a day and one night. The night I stayed I was in a chair, bathroom facilities were a long way away. It was miserable.  The kids had me come home, home is three hours away.  We tried to get the hospital to help us get him transferred home, once we found there was no reason for him to be in Seattle. 

Fast forward, to my first full-blown panic attack! I ended up in the hospital. I have never been able to get myself together. I am fine when I am home, just the thought of going out can send me into a full-blown panic attack.  Heart pounding, sweating palm's, no clear thoughts almost a feeling of being in a container and there is no way out.

Today, a volunteer came and watched Steve and I went to a store. By myself! almost the scariest thing I have ever done. You have no idea how much I love to read your blogs when you go shopping, especially when you go to cute little shops.  I go right along with you!

My neighbor told me about this store, hardly any people visit.  It has good prices and he thought this would be a good place to test my getting out. 

The name of the store is Grocery Outlet.  they had some really cute things, good prices, Off brands and some well-known brands, 

                              Those planters look interesting.

              It will take me a full day to stop shaking. did I mess up? yup! I did, but I made it, 

Caretaking

Even the word caretaker can mean so many different things. Caretaker of a garden, a daycare, those seem to be okay caretaker jobs.

Taking care of a loved one in failing health, well that is different. I am having a hard time even believing there are people that chose to do caretaking as a job!

I am a accidental caretaker.  I didn't chose this, I don't even know how to do it. Yet, it is something I do every day 24 hours a day. Do I have to?  Not really. There are places that take in people who have Alzheimer/ Dementia. 

I chose to learn this job, to do it the best I can because I love my Steve with all my heart.

The biggest challenge so far for me, which surprises me is taking the time to care for me. Kind of like the caretaker needs a care taker. The hospice nurses are great about asking me if I need anything, they ask "What can I do for you?" 

I have to do it for myself. I have to answer to me. I make promises to myself and then I break those promises. what kind of friend does that? I have a volunteer, that will come in and stay with Steve, while I go do something and I actually set a time for her to come and for me to go and I want to break that promise to me.  the promise that I will go out and at least drive to a store and look around.  

I break out in a sweat just thinking about it.  My scheduled day to go is tomorrow and I want to cancel. 

We have an amazing valley, so full of beauty, yet I stopped looking, stopped exploring, stopped living.

I quit on me.

Lets turn this boat around

Some of you know I love boating. I can't remember a time, I didn't love being around boats.  We lived on lake Washington, close to Seattle and it was always full of all kinds of boats.

Well now, we live close to the Columbia river and it to is always full of boats. In the winter the fishermen are out there and spring and summer bring the boat nuts.

This is my supra, just love her.

The Columbia River, floods every spring as the mountains shed their snowpack. That leads to a lot of trees, and junk being dumped into the river, making it pretty dangerous to boat. so, this one year, we figured it was pretty safe to go out and were heading down river toward the damn, when we came upon a bunch of logs! We made a very quick turn around, just lucky we spotted them before we were on them.

I started thinking of how that incident relates to what I am living now. floating along actually hitting those logs.  If I don't change, I am going to end up one of those miserable old women you hear about. I don't want to be an old woman looking out the window, watching life go by. I have one of those as a neighbor.  

I need to turn this boat around and sail in my better waters. I need to see this day as a possibility. I am replacing the words "Have to" with the words "Get to". 

Instead of seeing things as a burden I will try to see them as an opportunity.  The view you get from a boat, is a view, you are not going to get when you are on dry land, Same object, just different view. 

So today, I will see what I will get to do, see how the day unfolds, with all the wonderful opportunities.