The unknown

The Weight of Not Knowing

There’s a particular kind of uncertainty that doesn’t shout — it settles. It sits beside you at the kitchen table, follows you out to the garden, lingers in the quiet moments when you’re trying to breathe. That’s where I’ve been living lately: in the long stretch between knowing and not knowing.

When I agreed to serve as secretary of the interim board, I thought it meant taking notes, keeping things organized, helping the neighbors stay informed. I didn’t realize it meant filing forms I’d never heard of, tracking deadlines no one warned us about, and trying to understand processes that feel like they were written in a language only lawyers speak.

Some days it feels like the paperwork is its own forest — dense, tangled, and impossible to see through. And all of it is happening while we still don’t know if this is even going to happen.

Are we moving forward? Are we stalled? Is this long wait normal? Or are we just sitting in the foggy middle stage — the not‑knowing stage — where everything feels suspended?

I keep asking myself those questions as I type up minutes, organize documents, and try to make sense of the next step. It’s strange to be doing so much work for something that might never come to pass. Strange to be carrying responsibility for a future that isn’t guaranteed.

And stranger still to realize that my no‑spend year — the year I thought would be about simplicity, restraint, and quiet living — has somehow become a year about buying a mobile home park.

How did that happen? How did a year meant for less turn into a year demanding more? More decisions. More paperwork. More emotional weight. More community responsibility.

Sometimes I laugh at the absurdity of it — the way life can twist your plans into shapes you never imagined. I set out to spend less, to live with intention, to focus on enoughness. And instead, I’m helping navigate one of the biggest decisions this community has ever faced.

It feels surreal. It feels heavy. It feels like standing in the middle of a bridge that may or may not lead anywhere.

But there’s something else, too — something quieter. A sense that maybe this is part of the lesson. That maybe a no‑spend year isn’t just about money. Maybe it’s about learning how to stay steady when life tilts. Maybe it’s about discovering that intention can coexist with uncertainty. Maybe it’s about realizing that even when you’re not spending, you’re still investing — in community, in resilience, in the land beneath your feet.

I don’t know how this will end. I don’t know what the next meeting will bring. I don’t know if all these forms I’m filing will ever lead to something real.

But I do know this: I’m showing up. I’m doing the work. I’m holding the map even when the path is foggy.

And maybe that’s its own kind of ownership — not of land, but of courage.

A No‑Spend Year Truth

Chapter: The Year I Learned Not to Betray Myself

There’s a quiet kind of courage in deciding to live a no‑spend year. Not the loud, dramatic kind that comes with big declarations or sweeping changes, but the soft, steady courage of choosing intention over impulse. It’s the kind of courage that doesn’t announce itself — it just shows up every morning, like the way the yard lights flicker on at dusk without asking for applause.

When I started this year, I thought I was choosing simplicity. I thought I was choosing discipline. I thought I was choosing a kind of financial stillness that would help me breathe. But somewhere along the way — somewhere between pantry‑first dinners and evenings spent in the garden — I realized I was choosing something deeper.

I was choosing not to betray myself.

Because life didn’t stay steady. It never does. The park sales began, the rent letters arrived, the ground under my home shifted in ways I couldn’t control. The kind of uncertainty that makes you check the mailbox twice, just to be sure you didn’t miss something. The kind that makes you reread the notices and wonder how your life can tilt so suddenly.

And yet, in the middle of all that, the no‑spend year held. Not because it protected me from the chaos — it didn’t. But because it kept me anchored to the things I could shape.

It taught me how to stay rooted even when the ground moved.

It taught me that enoughness isn’t a number — it’s a posture. A way of standing in your own life without leaning too hard on what might happen next.

It taught me that intention is a kind of shelter.

It taught me that I can choose steadiness even when the world refuses to offer it.

There were days when the no‑spend year felt like a boundary. A line drawn gently around my life, reminding me that I didn’t need to chase every sale or every worry. And there were days when it felt like a lifeline — something to hold onto when the park meetings grew tense and the rumors swirled like dust in the summer heat.

But mostly, it felt like a promise.

A promise to myself that I would live this year with clarity. That I would choose what mattered. That I would not let fear or uncertainty push me into decisions that didn’t align with the life I’m trying to build.

A no‑spend year doesn’t stop life from being unpredictable. It doesn’t stop rent from rising or parks from being sold or letters from arriving with news you didn’t ask for. It doesn’t stop the world from tilting.

But it does something quieter, something steadier.

It keeps you from tilting with it.

It keeps you grounded in your own values — in your garden, your sewing projects, your pantry meals, your evening routines, your quiet resilience.

It keeps you from betraying yourself when everything else feels like it’s shifting.

And maybe that’s the real truth of this year: I didn’t choose a no‑spend year to save money. I chose it to save my footing.

And somewhere along the way, I found it.

 

🌿 Follow‑Up After the Meeting

I’ve been quiet these past couple of weeks, not because I’ve stepped away from my no‑spend year, but because life has been shifting in ways I’m still trying to understand. What started as a simple letter about a rent increase has turned into something much bigger — something I never expected and still don’t fully believe.

Monday’s meeting gave us a clearer picture, even if the future is still foggy. Neighbors gathered from every corner of the park, carrying the same mix of curiosity, worry, and disbelief I’ve been living with. Seeing familiar faces in such an unfamiliar situation made everything feel both steadier and stranger at the same time.

ROC Northwest walked us through the next steps — not promises, not guarantees, just possibilities. They explained what forming a co‑op actually means, the timelines involved, and the financial pieces that have to line up before anything can move forward. They answered what they could and were honest about what they couldn’t yet. I appreciated that.

And somewhere in the middle of all that information, I found myself stepping forward. I joined the interim board — quietly, without fanfare — because if this opportunity is real, I want to help steady the process. I want to be part of the hands holding the map, even if the map keeps shifting.

The biggest takeaway from the meeting is simple: The opportunity is real. But it’s complicated, slow, and full of “ifs.”

I left feeling both grounded and unsettled. Grounded because I finally understand the shape of what’s happening. Unsettled because the shape keeps changing every time we look at it. This isn’t a quick decision. It’s a long process, and we’re only at the beginning.

Still, there was something in the air — a quiet thread of community. A sense that even if we don’t know what’s going to happen, we’re facing it together. That part felt unexpectedly comforting.

So here’s where I am now: No tidy answers. No final decisions. Just clarity, community, and the willingness to help guide whatever comes next.

I’ll keep sharing as things unfold. For now, I’m holding onto the truth that sometimes life doesn’t give you answers all at once. Sometimes it gives you meetings, questions, and the slow work of figuring things out one step at a time.

More soon

 

The Month the Ground Shifted

I keep thinking there must be a word for when life tilts so fast you can’t quite catch your balance. Something between whiplash and wonder. Something that sits in your chest like a bird that isn’t sure whether to fly or hide. Because that’s what this last month has felt like — a strange, unreal stretch of days where the ground under my feet kept changing shape.

It started with the letter.

The rent increase. The new water fee. The kind of envelope that makes your stomach drop before you even open it.

I remember standing at the counter, reading the words twice, maybe three times, trying to make sense of how a no‑spend year could be blindsided by something so basic, so unavoidable. You can plan meals, mend clothes, stretch groceries, and make peace with “enough,” but you can’t out‑budget the land you live on. That was the betrayal moment — the one that made me feel small and tired and a little angry.

And then… nothing.

No follow‑up. No explanation. Just silence long enough to make me wonder if the water fee had fizzled out or if something bigger was brewing behind the scenes.

Two weeks later, another letter arrived — this one heavier, like it carried a different kind of weight. The park was for sale, it said. And as renters of the spaces, we could put in an offer to purchase.

I didn’t even know what to do with that. I set the letter aside, let it sit there like a strange visitor I wasn’t ready to talk to. Buying the park? Me? Us? It felt like someone had handed me a puzzle with half the pieces missing.

But life wasn’t done tilting.

A notice was hand‑delivered — not mailed, not tucked into a box, but placed directly into my hands. There was going to be a meeting on Sunday, right in the parkway. A meeting to talk about the sale. A meeting to talk about what could happen next.

I walked down there expecting confusion, maybe frustration, maybe a few neighbors shrugging their shoulders the same way I had. Instead, I found something else entirely.

ROC Northwest was there. Talking about co‑ops. Talking about resident ownership. Talking about the possibility — the real, tangible possibility — that we could form a cooperative and buy the park ourselves.

I sat there listening, trying to keep up, trying to understand how we had gone from a rent hike to a potential community purchase in less than a month. My head spun. My heart did something complicated — a mix of fear, hope, disbelief, and that quiet voice that whispers, Is this really happening?

Because it didn’t feel real. It still doesn’t feel real.

And now there’s another meeting on the horizon, another gathering where we’ll learn more, ask questions, try to figure out what this means for our homes, our futures, our neighbors. I keep thinking about how strange it is that while I’ve been trying to live intentionally — to choose enoughness, to slow down, to spend less — the biggest plot twist of the year isn’t about money at all. It’s about the land beneath my feet shifting while I’m trying to stand still.

Maybe that’s the lesson tucked inside all of this: that even in a year of restraint, life will still surprise you. It will still demand courage. It will still ask you to show up, even when you don’t feel ready.

So here we are. Waiting for the next meeting. Trying to understand what’s going on. Trying to breathe through the unrealness of it all.

And maybe — just maybe — trying to imagine what it would feel like to not just live here, but to own the place together.