Lets turn this boat around

Some of you know I love boating. I can't remember a time, I didn't love being around boats.  We lived on lake Washington, close to Seattle and it was always full of all kinds of boats.

Well now, we live close to the Columbia river and it to is always full of boats. In the winter the fishermen are out there and spring and summer bring the boat nuts.

This is my supra, just love her.

The Columbia River, floods every spring as the mountains shed their snowpack. That leads to a lot of trees, and junk being dumped into the river, making it pretty dangerous to boat. so, this one year, we figured it was pretty safe to go out and were heading down river toward the damn, when we came upon a bunch of logs! We made a very quick turn around, just lucky we spotted them before we were on them.

I started thinking of how that incident relates to what I am living now. floating along actually hitting those logs.  If I don't change, I am going to end up one of those miserable old women you hear about. I don't want to be an old woman looking out the window, watching life go by. I have one of those as a neighbor.  

I need to turn this boat around and sail in my better waters. I need to see this day as a possibility. I am replacing the words "Have to" with the words "Get to". 

Instead of seeing things as a burden I will try to see them as an opportunity.  The view you get from a boat, is a view, you are not going to get when you are on dry land, Same object, just different view. 

So today, I will see what I will get to do, see how the day unfolds, with all the wonderful opportunities.

Changing your mind

 We have all heard it or read it. You can change your circumstances by changing your mind.

Now, there is a lot I cannot change. I cannot change Steve's stoke or his stroke induced dementia.  I cannot fix his heart or do away with kidney failure. Those are the givens; those are set in place. 

What I can do is change my mind, I can change from poor me to be thankful I get to care for him. That this is a way I can take the journey with him.  I can thank God for giving me one more day with him. for the strength to hold on when it seems my little world is falling apart.

To march right over to the mirror and get out my makeup and comb my hair. to reach for my saved perfume. To realize those clothes my closet I am saving for the right time, are to be worn now. The right time is today.

Today is the day you have been saving all those special things for. the best dishes, the best earrings.

And yes, this is the Valentines Day you celebrate, you celebrate because you love today, you love what tomorrow will bring. You love that all of this is to propel you forward, not backwards.

You love, you changed your mind!

And I love to share with you my cuddler. 

  

I just don't know

I really don't know what to do! I love Valentine's day but this year I don't know how to handle it.

Last week, I was all in. I was going to order flowers, get the candy and celebrate the way it should be celebrated! 

I started with the front porch. Added some decorations and thought that will take care of missing the Christmas decorations.

Add a heart to a Christmas bow and your good to go!

Now, I lost my Valentines mojo. I just feel sad and I want the whole thing to just go away! 

Not sure I will add the flowers and chocolates. 

Today, Steve slipped a little more, celebrating just doesn't feel right anymore.

I hate that feeling also. I want to fight back, to say it's okay, bring some joy into the house. Get excited when the floral truck shows up!!

Just don't know how to feel

A short hello

Just a drop to let you know I am still here. Connie, I have been trying to reach you and Norton will not let me comment, in fact it tried to block me from even visiting. I do not know how to resolve that problem, but I wanted you to know. 

Crafty Home Cottage: Rearranging The Living Room (crafty-home-cottage.blogspot.com)

I do plan on getting back on this blogging horse and riding it to the finish line.

I am continuing to make wee care gowns for the hospital babies.

some babies come to earth as Angels.

I miss the little things the most!

 

I am so blessed to be able to live in this part of the country. although today it is all white and will be for a long time to come, is just one more thing that adds to its beauty.

Today, I am Amazon shopping for a coffee table.  I brought the big one with me when we moved, and it is way to big for this little house.  So, I know what I would like to replace it,   the hard part is shopping amazon.  There was a time when I would want something, say a coffee table and off we would go.  We would search every furniture store and thrift shop.  We would spot the one we wanted and yet still keep searching, only to come back and buy the one we wanted.

Today, I tried to show Steve pictures of what I am picking out.  I think it will fit the space better, has a glass top so should blend well with the glass end tables I will be keeping. So I will order it, just not the same as shopping would have been, Just a little thing.

Monday night football another little/big thing.  Yes, we would watch Sunday football and Sunday night football, but, Monday we had set aside as nacho night.  Before the game, Steve would swing by our favorite Mexican restaurant for takeout nachos, so Monday night game was munching down on nachos and yesterday being Monday, I really was tempted to order nacho's.  

It's just those little things. 

I am doing okay

 

Today started as most Mondays, lots of visits from nurses. 

also, a visit from the social worker, wanting me to fill out a form for what might be needed in the way of help in the future.

Since no one knows what the future holds, it was difficult. Questions like "Do you feel comfortable with your situation?" NO!  of course not, why would that even be a question.

The one question, concerning the future did relate to what my thinking has been lately.  Over the past 20 years, off and on I have made and donated gowns to the hospital for the wee ones that need extra nursing or for the wee ones that don't make it. No one packs a burial gown!  I enjoyed doing that but now, it has taken all a whole new meaning. 

Now, it is meaning that I really am helping someone through a horrible time in their lives.  So, I do see that I can keep going. I am collecting all I can in the way of material, patterns and even trying my hand once again at crochet.  January, I will have no time for any self-pity.

Dementia is horrible, just horrible. The person with dementia, has no clue what is happening, only know that something is not right.  some days we swing almost normal, the next day or even hour, that is gone.  The person goes into a state of confusion, scared, angry, unable to cope.  You, as a caretaker have no choice at that time to do anything.

I was talking with one of the nurses about how this all feels, how you remove yourself from the situation and just do what needs to be done.  Probably enough rambling for the day.

I do thank all of you for your prayers, that means the world to me. I know some of you have been through very, very hard heartbreaking times.  I do hold on to the fact, you survived! 

Going to try as best I can

 

The garden is sleeping under a pile of snow. Maybe a bit like life, we all have those times, when it is best to just rest.

To just let things be as they are. I know the saying of getting the best from life. To enjoy each day as it comes, but that is not always possible. Some day's it is just a matter of making it through that day and hoping tomorrow will be better.

I had hoped to be one of those brave people, that can go through an experience and document every single moment.  I am not one of those people. I am one that finds avoidance of the moment. Like this is just not happening,

So, I will try to do better.  I think it will be a good thing. Not something I want to do, but something I think will help me.

I am learning new terms like sundowning, learning to deal with sundowning.  Trying to remove myself from the situation and just deal with what is happening, from a distance, not from being a person involved.

Connie, I sent an email, I hope you got it.

So much for now.