New Meaning

 I want to start by thanking all of you for taking the time to give me some help. I will follow  your advice. 

Also the saying "Be kind to yourself" has taken on a complete new meaning to me.  I have a better understanding of what my mind and body are going through.  I do some pretty silly things, not even knowing I am doing it. 

I filled (or thought I did) the watering can, so I could water the few plants I have on my porch. I went to pick it up, expecting it to be heavy and of coarse it wasn't. I didn't put any water in it.  Thats just a tiny something, I do that all day with everything!! But now I have a bit of insight as to what is going on with me, so I don't get upset with me. 

Reading is not possible. I was reading a series of books  called the Elm Creek quilts series, by Jennifer Chiaverini. Now, I don't remember who is who and with a series, they speak often of people you should know, if you are reading the series. It's okay, I know why now, as before I found out this grief brain is a real thing, I was sure I was losing my mind.

I don't know how long all of this takes. Maybe I will never be the same, right now I feel like I will never go back.  I told my son I will not be doing the grocery shopping this week. I can use Insta cart if I need anything.  Last week, I had a full blown panic attack.  I looked down at my hands and they were shaking so hard, the only way I could control them was to hang tight to the cart. I was only a few isle in, when I decided enough was enough and headed to the checkout.  I forgot how to swipe my card, and of coarse that just caused more panic.  The gal at the register was so kind and soft spoken, I know think she has been though that before. 

So, the adventure as I will call it, continues. I am just trying to be kind to myself.